drink better water

Apparently rapper 50 cent has entered into the business of bottled water. Actually, I am not sure if he is really selling or endorsing the water, but the company GLACEAU VitaminWater was at least inspired enough by the skills of 50 cent to develop a drink in his likeness, cleverly named Formula 50. The drink is a grape-flavored water which contains 50 cent (or 50%) of your daily dose of vitamins C, E, B3, B5, B6, B12, and Folic Acid. According to a recent study, scientists have found that these vitamins have been proven to develop rhyming abilities in lab rats. Specifically the combination of B5 and B6 were shown to increase synapsal responses in the brain which lead to quicker word rhyming recognition.

Naturally I had to try this miracle elixir. As expected this drink is full of flavor. But the real question is: Am I now a better rapper for having drank the Formula 50? Well... Uhm... I can feel something happening... Wait... Uhm... No... Sorry, just a sneeze. Ok, so it hasn't given me the ability to rhyme and flow like 50 cent, but maybe it's an accumulative effect. I better go out and drink some more.

Regardless, I think that this is a step in the right direction for a more socially conscious hip-hop industry. Instead of promoting the glamours of "partying likes it's your birthday" every night of the week we could listen to music about the benefits of drinking eight glasses of water a day. "Cruzin' round town I am hydrated; I know all you fools be player hatin' ; all you punks should know that when your thirs-ty; all you have to do is reach for the Formula Fit-ty." Wow, this stuff really does work. I can start to feel the flow building in my brain. Ooo.... I got more for ya. "I drank my 8 glasses and now what to do?; I think I'll just lean against this wall and act cool; This Formula Fit-ty got the most flavor per ounce; Sorry my man but I gotta bounce; To tell you the truth you know why I've gotta leave?; 'Cuz every five minutes I've gotta go pee." Ok, this is starting to freak me out! This stuff has me on a roll. I've got to save my material and try to get a record deal out of this. Who knows, maybe one day you will see me take over as the company spokesperson for GLACEAU VitaminWater. I will be everywhere: Billboards, TV, radio, magazines.

If the media starts to become receptive to the idea of nutritional hip-hop I could see the food pyramid getting an urban make over. Just imagine 50 cent starring in a School-House-Rocks-style video where he raps about the importance of eating 3-5 servings of vegetables or 2-4 servings of fruits per day. There would be an entire generation of youngsters who would beg their mothers and fathers for more carrots and broccoli because they want to grow up to be just like 50 cent. What a utopian society we could live in.

I'm sold on the idea already. I want to be just like 50 cent. I think tonight I'll go out and get my Ford Taurus equipped with bullet proof armor. You can never be too careful. Once Dasani and Aquafina catch wind of what this flavored water can do they will surely want to protect their market share by eliminating anyone who uses the Formula 50.

"I woke up this morning and I couldn't see; My eyelids still heavy from last nights par-ty; I went to my fridge. What could this be?; none other than the thirst quenching flavor of Formula Fit-ty." Man I just can't stop. Still thinking I made the drink up? Then check out www.vitaminwater.com and look under Formula 50.